Deeper than Black
by MizDirected
Summary: Kaidan Alenko faced something so much darker than the absence of light. Written for a Mass Effect Fanfiction Writer's Drabble challenge. Character: Kaidan. Prompt: Lights Out


It became remarkably easy to believe in God, or some sort of higher power when born with biotics. Sure, Kaidan knew all the science behind it, even suspected the truth that lurked beneath the rumors of corporate tampering, but even so, being gifted and cursed inevitably led to wondering about a higher design.

Of course, as his mother always said, believing in God inevitably led to believing in His opposite.

Kaidan worked in space, and that meant surviving through all sorts of darkness. Ships suffered power failures, pirates liked to set up bases on the dark sides of tidally locked planets, and then space itself. So yeah, he knew darkness, especially since that bastard killed Shepard, extinguishing the brightest light in the galaxy. Funny how someone so prickly inspired so much love.

 _Who thought I'd miss being called Sparky?_

Shaking off the melancholy that thought provoked, Kaidan turned back to the dark. The mission briefing prepared him for the lifeless shipyard, but it didn't even come close to preparing him for the terrible sense of malevolence, the sense of something alive and evil seething within the darkness. He shook himself, hard, and focused on Garrus, the general assigning them to their teams.

"All right," the general said, stopping a few metres in. He turned back, his expression hidden behind his helmet, but his body language looked as tense as Kaidan felt. "We're going to break into two teams of four. Alenko, you'll take Tali, Peterson, and Englestein to engineering. See if you can get the power turned back on. Teung and Rogers will come with Nihlus and I. We'll head to the bridge. Everyone go slow, keep your eyes open, and watch for survivors. It's extremely cold, so there's always a chance."

"Aye, sir," Kaidan replied, focusing his flashlight on the floor. The black swallowed the beam before it penetrated even a couple of metres. He activated his omnitool, bringing up a map of the facility on his HUD then tagging each team member's tracker. Relying on sight would only get them lost.

On the other side of the airlock doors, the two teams split up, lost to each other even before they left the first room. Kaidan steeled himself against the yawning emptiness and focused on his HUD, on those eight blips providing his only reassurance that he wasn't alone. The deck plating echoed—muted, hollow, and metallic—the sound taunting him, stealing a little more of the light with every step until it hung so thickly that he swiped at his helmet's faceplate.

Nothing, it made no difference, the darkness still closing in, looming over and around him, gelid fingers clawing at the seams of his armour, prying open cracks to climb inside. During Shepard's tenure as the Normandy's captain, rumours abounded about her quirks, her fear of the dark ranking highest amongst them. No one seemed able to comprehend how someone who could fight toe to toe against Reapers could fear something so innocuous as the dark, himself included.

 _It's becoming terrifyingly clear now, isn't it? How many of the monsters lurking in that darkness are yours? Which one crept inside, infesting your soul when you killed Vyrnnus? Can you name it?_

"Kaidan?" Tali's voice broke through his superstitious downward spiral. "There's no one alive here." The tremor that ran beneath her usually chipper voice eased the shame calling Kaidan out for letting the environment get the better of him. It bolstered his resolve. Something powerful came out of shared fear, he'd seen it his entire life.

"That doesn't change the mission, Tali." He glanced at the map. "The engine room is maybe fifteen minutes away. Let's just get there and get the power—"

"Their fingers are in my brain," Englestein bellowed, so loud and sudden that Kaidan's heart stopped dead.

One … two … three … four … then a lurch and a beat so heavy that it left him shaking and lightheaded. He spun to face the Marine. "Englestein?"

"Get them out!" The man clasped both hands to his head and reeled backwards. "Get them out! Get them out! Dark and hungry. Please, get them out."

Kaidan raced to the other man's side and gripped his shoulders. "Hold it together. Did you take your serum?" Without waiting for an answer, he glanced back at the other two. "Take your serum, then Tali, get an ampoule out of his hip pack."

"No!" Englestein jerked back. "It's too late. They're all dead. Worse than dead … stolen, screaming and crying, frozen." He struggled against Kaidan's hold, more frantic with each second, breaking loose. "Ghosts. So many ghosts, so thick ... . Can't you see them." He backed down the hallway.

Kaidan followed, his hands held out. "There are no ghosts. Remember the briefings on indoctrination? That's what's happening." He lunged, reaching out to capture the other man's arm, but Englestein leaped away.

The man turned and ran, his ranting growing into a scream. "They're everywhere. All the dead. Their fingers in my brain."

Tali started after him, but Kaidan grabbed her arm. "We need to get to engineering. We'll have an easier time finding him with the lights on." When she nodded, he looked to Peterson. "You with me?"

The Marine nodded, "Yes, sir. Five by five." A barbed chuckle tumbled out after the words. "Well, maybe four by five, sir."

Kaidan nodded. "Roger that." He waved for them to fall in. "Let's get the power on and get the hell out of here." As he turned, the shadows along the wall slithered away, retreating from his light. Shaking off the illusion, he growled at himself. The last thing he needed was to let Goldstein's hysteria spread.

The corridor stretched out in front of him, deck plating a blur of endless panels in the narrowing beams of their flashlights. He checked the power cell on his weapon, but it still read over eighty percent charge. An examination of the flashlight showed no malfunction, the power cell steady and strong. Fumbling, he went into his hip pack, searching for another ampoule of the serum.

 _You will be revealed to us. How good did it feel to kick Vyrrnus? Did the monster howl when the turian died? Did it beg to get loose again? To kill again?_

Inky fingers sunk into the back of his neck, slithering straight through his armour, then his skin and bone, crawling between his skull and his brain. His flashlight dimmed, but he found the ampoule by touch alone and stuck it into the port. Five more ampoules. Twelve minutes there … how long back? Five ampoules.

 _You cannot breach the darkness. Your mind belongs to us._

Huge and frozen, black as the void of space, but alive . . . billions of tiny spiders glistening wet-tar black, crawling and writhing over each other as they burrowed into the furrows and crevasses of his brain, crowding into his body and mind, skittering between his cells. Oily, prickling feet crawled into his ears, deafening in their silence.

 _Rahna saw the monster. She looked into your heart and named it. She feared it._

The darkness seeped through his helmet seals, the cold wrapping around his tongue, ripping his calls for help straight from his throat before filling his nostrils suffocating and cold. So cold. Strange how they always said hell was hot. If only they'd known. The fingers crawled implacable, cruel and oblivious to the serum flooding his veins. Tendrils wormed into his brain, finally punching through her eyes to steal the last of the light.

Yes, it became remarkably easy to believe in God, as a biotic. Kaidan knew all the science behind it, just as he knew the science behind indoctrination. If only he'd understood about the universe's higher design. Monsters ruled the dark, and so very much of space dwelled in eternal black.

Kaidan didn't know about God, but His opposite … .


End file.
